I’m back! I’m back! Now I just have to force myself to stay.
It has been a YEAR, let me tell you, folks. I know I must say that every time I return after a year-long hiatus, but truly! It has been a year.
This post is me forcing my hands to my computer and drilling the words (hammering, slamming, screw driving, slamming) “commitment” and “follow-through” into my brain. I love writing for you all. I love sharing what I have to say, I love sharing what I don’t have to say, too. And I apologize for my inconsistency throughout the past five years; but I’ve turned a new page. Truly!
Without boring you of my whereabouts, I’ll just let you know this: I’m a happy girl. I’m a bouncing, BABBLING happy girl! I’ve got sunshine on my face and the depressed, angry,
anxious, asshole Mar is dead and gone. I nailed down the coffin myself.
I did in fact return to YouTube before I dusted the ole’ mwolffilms off again, and I spoke painfully and extensively on where I had been, and where I am now, so click my dumbass face to the right and watch me discuss some dumbass updates for nearly nine whole minutes.
I have, in fact, missed blogging. It was a staple countenance of my teenage-hood, and it helped me put my own life in valuable perspective. And let me tell you, putting your life into perspective is vital. It’s crucial to vomit out the words, ideas and theories of your own mind and dissect them as you would dissect someone else’s life. For me, writing has always been my place to do this. I find myself upchucking my thoughts in a spew of emotion, and then I read over it and just think Damn. Therapy has also given me some insight on the deeply complex functioning of my own brain. And at times, I find myself dry-heaving. I have the feeling of wanting to produce words in a legible manner, but all that comes out is empty air. Writing can be frustrating that way. But most people who know how to write already are familiar with this feeling. You don’t need me tellin’ ya.
I dropped blogging for a long time, because I found myself extremely committed to and busy with writing my screenplays. Screenwriting has always been a fascination and love of mine, but it’s a skill that takes practice. I was very frustrated by the idea of structuring my writing so formulaically, as I grew up embracing creative writing and poetry (rule-less). But my deep love and appreciation of film pushed me to keep writing and stepping back to point out that, yeah, I fucked a lot of pieces up. I made a lot of boring scenes, I didn’t format things correctly, I didn’t storyboard enough for the allegory to find an ending.
But, as I continue turning new leafs in my life (there’s enough leaves to fill a fucking conifer), I’m looking back on what has given me joy in the past. And this blog gave me a lot of joy. And I’m going to try and actually be back.
Please let me stay back!
I am, in fact, moving to Paris on April 30th (this Monday, from now), and I anticipate my European travels will warrant great emotional development within myself, so get ready. I’m ready.
Get ready, my boys.